• hi, i'm ess

• commissions

commissions

i technically always accept commissions! if you're interested, please just reach out to me directly, preferably through twitter dm's, as that is where i'm most active!i will write most anything! i can do sfw or nsfw, kink or vanilla, original content or fandom. i've dabbled in a lot of material over the years, so the breadth of my interests might surprise you!i've had two types of commissions in the past: you either just give me total creative freedom, or you can give me as many specifications as you'd like. commissions are an inherently collaborative process (at least in the beginning), so we can execute it in whatever way you'd like!
all of this being said, i reserve the right to veto anything that you ask of me. above all, i must maintain the ability to prevent myself from experiencing discomfort with what i write. if you cannot accept the idea of my refusal (or deem it as judgement), then i recommend you do not reach out. i will not compromise my integrity and agency simply because there is money on the table.overall, though, i am more than happy to discuss! more often than not, something can be worked out, even if i do wind up taking issue with certain things. if you're on the fence, just go ahead and dm me anyway! you never know :)

my rate is $15/1000 words, rounded up the nearest thousand words.

unless you have either a very large amount of money to pay me, or i'm very excited about a proposed topic, i will cap commission work at about 15,000 words, for the sake of keeping my plate clear enough.
people do tend to tip me out of generosity on top of my rate, but that is by NO means expected. if you are inclined to do so, i am beyond thankful, but there is no pressure whatsoever.if cost is an issue, i'm happy to work with you to figure something out, so feel free to reach out! i'm from a poor family myself, so i understand just how much of a burden cost can be.for all transactions, i use paypal, which is usable in most countries. if, for some reason, this isn't feasible for you, we can talk.

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• hi, i'm ess

• commissions

talking about the past

for just shy of three years, i have been involved in mcyt/dsmp fandoms. it was a place where i found a lot of good: i met wonderful friends, wrote more than i had in a long time (with that writing getting more traffic than i ever had), and even fell in love for a time. i don't regret any of that now, and never will.however, it has also been a deeply difficult experience for me. there was so much unbelievably vile toxicity in the fanbase, and every day was exhausting. when the since-disproven allegations against Dream broke, i spoke out as a victim of grooming, saying that i wanted to wait until the allegations were addressed and that i would remain detached and neutral until then. that was a mistake. i lost people i thought were friends in a second, was brutally harassed across multiple platforms for weeks, and had some of the cruelest things i've ever heard said to me. as a result of these unending weeks of private harassment, i wound up recovering suppressed memories about an incident of physical csa from my young childhood.it devastated me, truth be told. the trauma of it made me shut down, and i went almost completely offline for close to a year. every time i tried to come back, i would just get reminded of it all, and retreat once again.the dust only started to clear after the allegations were disproven. i thought i could come back, even while still being poked by antis, and i did for a time. then, there was more.i had deemed that my last straw. regardless of my feelings on the nuance of the situation, i decided that i just couldn't stay there anymore. it's too toxic, it's too controversial, it's too full of dog-piling and refusal to acknowledge context or shades of gray. that's a hard decision to make, but i'm sick of being retraumatized.at the same time, i miss the people i was friends with and, more importantly, i miss the writing i still wanted to do. my future of engagement in this fandom is incredibly tenuous, and i have still not yet committed to fully participating again.

as of now, i am hoping to return to writing: if nothing else, to finish up the wips that i left outstanding when i made my informal exit. i think it will probably be best for me to not engage in the fandom side of things, not engage in discourse, and not put myself near anything other than interacting with the people who still go out of their way to read the silly things i write, and support those whose work i love in kind.

i used to love being involved, and i'm sorry that i'm just not capable of it anymore: i'm still learning how to put myself and my wellbeing first, and i think this is an easy step for me to take to help ensure that. i hope you all understand, and i thank you for your support: in times past or present.love,
ess

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frequency asked questions

who the hell are you again?

my name is ess! i'm 24, a lesbian whose life is sort of falling apart at all times and also likes to write stories (oftentimes nsfw ones, too). i live in the EST/EDT time zone

what are you doing here?

i have admittedly spent nearly half my life involved in writing some form or another of fanfiction, and it feels second nature at this point to be involved in these sorts of spaces and pursuits. but, even when the love of fandom is forced to fade, i still love to write, and love engaging with everyone who has priveleged me with their reading over the years.

how long have you been writing?

writing, period? probably since i was about 7 or 8 years old. i've been putting out fanfic under various pseuds since i was about 12, though!

what are your boundaries?

fairly basic for the most part! please don't send me dick pics, don't interact with me if you're under 18, and don't pester me about updates. that's pretty much it!

can i make fanart of your stories?

oh absoLUTELY. i've been lucky enough to receive a decent bit over the years, and it will never cease to be the best feeling on earth. just please tag me so i can fawn all over it and politely lose my mind in the replies

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